is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
