I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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