apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Boobs are out for the taking
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
