Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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