her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
