She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Blood and glitter go together right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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