I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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