I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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