Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
