My first STD was from a foam party
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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