I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm passing your future prison.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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