and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
