dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
