Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
