Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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