I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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