in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
