The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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