I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
