i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
