Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
