I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
