you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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