The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
