I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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