strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize