You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
