I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize