Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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