i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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