I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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