...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
