Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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