I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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