I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
