addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
