Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
