dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
