Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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