youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
