Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
