the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
