You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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