Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
