All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
