I'm really into asian looking animals
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
