great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
