I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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