You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
