just come out here and I will go home with you...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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