Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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