I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
