he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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