i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
