Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
