nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
