how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
