Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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