I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
