I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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