Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just cropdusted the office
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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