some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
