if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did you just send me my own nude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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