i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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