Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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