dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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