Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
