How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
