alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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