Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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