Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
