his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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