Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize