I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
