I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
