dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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