I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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