you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
