Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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