Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
