i think my tv is drunk
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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