Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
