Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
